My Own God

I have a personal God. My own God. It keeps a watch over me. It checks what decisions I am making. It wants to lead me to something. I don’t know what it is. I have an inkling about ‘The Thing’ but I am not sure. It is hazy, vague.. My God keeps on giving me tough situations to make me move more and more towards it. Situations where I have to make some really tough decisions, situations wherein I learn something more about myself. And then he sits and watches. I will not say he has fun when he sees me going through the turmoil, but he feels satisfied, he cheers me from the stands.. and he cheers me the loudest. He really wants me to fight it and come out a winner, he really wants me to get as frustrated as possible so that when I get out of it, the message will be louder, clearer. I will have moved substantially towards ‘The Thing’ though not completely. (I sometimes wonder whether I ever will be able to find ‘it’ completely? Then I wonder as to whether I really want to? Isn’t it more interesting this way?) I don’t know what he does when he sees me moving in the entirely wrong direction. I think he makes me go through some more turmoil then. He too desperately fights while I fight. And what if in the end, despite his and my efforts I make the wrong decision? What then if I instead take a lot of steps away from ‘The Thing’? I don’t know that. I don’t think my God is so weak that he will give up so soon. But how soon is too soon? Is it already past the ‘soon’ phase? Will there be a day when I will stop seeing him? Will there be a day when I will stop feeling his presence around me? Will it so happen that my God will give up on me but eventually realise that he cant let me go where I am heading and just get back to me, slap me and start working on me again? And when he does, will I listen to him or will I be already so far away that I will ignore his call? My God is, I believe, something inside me. May be my own conscience(?).

A trip in time, 20 years behind...

Life at a Rural Management school can be quite interesting..

As soon as we landed there, as a part of the induction itself we were sent off to villages in gujarat..

2 people per village for seven whole days...

I was sent wid a gal called swapnil to a village wich was the worst of the lot.. i mean we had been told that villages in gujarat are quite prosperous so i was hoping something very different.. and al the other ppl from the class got wat i had anticipated and i got a place near the MP border wich is the most backward region of gujarat...
really tribal..!
will put some photos for your convenience….

Well, so this place was where I was to stay for seven days and thr was no toilet here!!! I mean we actually had to go to the fields!!!
The first day was hell.. then second disgusting.. third depressing.. fouth was ok.. fifth , got a little used to it.. and so on and so forth…

So well, this place…
Was a nightmare as I said and sme of our class mates went to places where they were given AC rooms and 2 attendents and all!! Now talk bout discrimination!!
But all said and done I will say I was glad I went to the place I went to…
Got to learn a lot..
(apart from how to use the fields for....)

The house was crude.. their needs simple.. the family huge.. 1 man(80 yr old.. I fell in love with him.. the reasons will b apparent as u read on…) 2 wives.. 1 dead, 9 children and their families.. which summed up to some 32 grandchildren (excluding the kids of his 3 daughters…) and all stayed thr!

This is the house that we stayed at

And then we were supposed to roam about in the village meeting ppl.. and understanding their problems.. now imagine a village where thy cant speak anything but gujarati and I dint know anything of it!!! Except for a few rescue classes that we were put thru @ IRMA b4 they sent us to this godforsaken place…

The ppl we stayed wid were atleast 20 yrs behind.. more than that actually…
Thy had a farm land.. and lot of cattle.. the food was cooked on the chulha… in mitti ke bartan!! The taste was awesome.. but I used to eat less coz the morning ordeal was enough scary already…

Thr I met the dadaji.. the man of the family… 80 yr old.. but as strong as any of his sons.. worked more than any of them and could do everything.. he was a very good carpenter.. so good that he was quite a professional… at the same time he could make bows and arrows and use them to kill wild animals..

A very proud man…. Bold, Courageous and fearless… At the same time very compassionate… Man as a man should be..

btw when we were sent off, we had been warned that if we wanted to see leopards IRMA will take us to Bhopal zoo but plz don’t be ultra excited and adventurous to see the leopards that stayed less than a 100 mtrs from the place that we stayed at… the family I stayed wid was a parmar family.. deepu bhai being the host..

So on the first day dadaji told us to come along.. and we went wid him.. thr he took us to a ‘tekdi’ near by.. we dint realise wat he was doing until when told us that “idhar baagh(tigers/leopards) rehte hai” … I was shit scared.. I told him I want to go back.. and al started laughing that ‘dadaji hai and u r afraid?’ apparently he was a legend thr and he was famous for his tales of having actually faced some wild animals and he had actually saved prey and brought it back from the animals cave.. ALIVE!!! And this is no exaggeration.. this tale we heard from so many ppl in the village!! These ppl practically stayed in a forest which had been a tribal area and converted into farmland.. anyways..

and so suddenly he says that he cud smell a wild animal somewhr nearby… and that now it will come out… an lo and behold, right from under the stone that he was standing on came out a wild animal called ‘jarak’!!! I had never seen it before.. something like a jackal.. but white.. and he shooed it.. we started screaming!!!

The stones are the caves of the wild animals.. and thats dadaji lookin for 'it'

He knew blackmagic.. ppl from nearby taluka places came to get treated by black magic from him… once I was sitting wid him… and he was drawing some weird drawings on a broken pot.. it was scary and I asked him wat was he doing.. and he told me it was blackmagic!!! And that He was going to cure some one
… i asked him to plz let me watch him doing it.. and he scolded me and told me not to even come nearby!!!
Watever….

He hated non vegetarian ppl… he asked me whether I was one… I said no…! cudnt risk being honest.. we had been told that these ppl are quite conservative… and then he was so relieved to know that I was a veggie.. he then went on to say that all the non vegetarian ppl are ‘ganda manas’ meaning dirty pplL and that they don’t even drink water from the house of ppl who r non vegetarian.! anyways… so thr r innumerable experiences of this place.. like the bhil wedding that we saw…. Which was one awesome thing..

I fell in love wid him.. he was 80 yr old.. had not seen more than 6-7 different places in his whole life time.. was a proper hunter wid bows and arrows in his young days.. at 80 he had no ailments except that his knees were growing a little weak..
He was a verrrry proud man… seen a lot of life.. a wise man… he was proud of his moustches.. and he must have been really handsome when young…
He wud sing suddenly out of the blue.. some weird songs and ‘radhaben’ and other girls wud start giggiling… by the end of our stay I started understanding it a little.. he wud sing things like ‘beso re beso jamavalo’ (meaning sit and have food!!) he wud sing anything…his own compositions..and tunes too! he was cute…he was also famous for his bhajans and kirtans… his knowledge bout mythology was awesome.. he never went to school ever but he cud read and write.. how ? don’t ask.. he was never formally trained.. he was a famous palmist in that area…

The Eldest and the youngest of the family...

Thats radhaben... one of the many granddaughters of dadaji...

One incident that touched me was when I told him that I wanted a photo of his and he was working then so was not wearing proper clothes and was on his underwear..
He said ‘hum pagdi bandhenge phir photo leo.. hum apka desh me jayenge na photo se.. phir pagdi to bandhni chahiye ni… ’ he went all the way, got dressed up, wore his best dress, pagdi and then came and told me to click his snap!!
He is such a sweetheart.. I told him that nasik is a beautiful place and that he must come thr.. he told me that he wil if it is in his destiny to see nasik….



That is how he wanted his snap to be taken…

I was moved by the poverty..
these ppl lived on so little.. I mean thr needs were so little..
so different was their life.. and we have come from here..
this is how my great grandfather must’ve lived… and today I live in such a different world!! The place had a beauty of its own… it became sooooo beautiful in the eve!! It was unbelievable..





Evening At kamboi… beautiful aint it?

peacocks used to be coming around their house every now and then…





The kids wud be happy wid such small small things..
These kids were never told not to play in mud.. coz that was their only toy. They were never asked to wear chappals coz thr feet had to get used to the stones.. and thy were never told to not roam around alone.. life of these kids was very different.. very different.. thr was this cute little 10 year old.. he loved this little calf that was thr…
He tended to it all day long.. and all the kids kept playing wid it… these kids dint need any soft toys.. they had the real thing, real animals to toy with….








thts deepu bhai's youngest son, goti... such a cute kid.. the calf then suddenly got up and goti had a great fall ! cried for long after that






Deepu bhai’s kids.. Goti, Bholu and Sejal… Bholu had beautiful Eyes…

Life was tough for them… if rains did not happen more than half the families wud go without any food to survive..

Thr was a family of this very poor farmer..





The Bhil Family… Few members were out as migrant labours to ahmedabad…

he had only 1 acre of land.. and 1 bullock and 1 goat.. I asked as to wat milk they drank and he said they never had tea with milk coz they cud not afford it!!!! He had two kids! Imagine their childhood without any milk!!
Their house was made out of mud.. and when I asked him as to wat problem they faced in the rainy season, he told me the whole roof drips so much that thr is no place to sleep.. the chulha goes wet and sometimes thy have to go without food.. and this they were talking as if it was no big deal and nothing to feel miserable about!! I mean I was feeling so miserable but he wasn’t.. he was ok bout it…
I really dint know at that moment as to wat the hell do we crib about when we have every goddamn thing!!! These ppl were not miserable!! No thy simply were not!!! And that is wat touched me… something inside me moved…

Apart from the 4 months of rains here, thr was not much of farming to do here so they migrated to cities like ahmedabad and baroda.. and worked as wage labourers… and the condition that they lived thr in was more than pathetic.. it was disgusting pitiful, sick sad.. depressing…

They were exploited.. not paid proper wages.. thy dint have homes.. and imagine after so much migration was thr any scope of education for their kids? Was thr any hope of doing anything but fight for 2 square meals? This same family (photo) had a loan too… half his land was mortgaged for the wedding of one of his sons..!!

I will not depress u more.. but when I came back from kamboi(the village) I was changed.. u can say I was humbled.. thr is too much misery in this world.. and we are doing nothing bout it…
Nothing.
Thse ppl need someone like us… someone like u and me to be with them.. mind u they don’t need donations.. these ppl have immense amount of self respect…
They really do…

Anyways so then all said and done.. I saw a lot.. I saw that thr s a world wich is not aware of anything..they don’t care if USA was bombed.. and they wudnt care less about the local train terrorism too…coz for them imagining a local train is a big deal too…. They cant imagine why ppl will cramp up in a train everyday!! For wat purpose.. and they cant imagine wat is the big rush!!!

And all of them looooove ajay devgan J anybody we met told us that thr favourite hero is ajay devgan!!!

Seven days at kamboi…
Staying with a famiy of strangers whose ways dint match wid any of my ways,
Yet they loved us like a family.. first day I was wondering as to how will I stay wid these complete strangers for seven days… on the 4th day I decided to call up my sir and tell him that I wanted to come back and on seventh day when I was leaving from thr I cried.. and so did my sweetheart, dadaji… he promised me that he wll come to nasik… but I am not even sure if I will ever b seeing him again..
will I ever see cute little goti again? The beautiful little calf.. and the makkai ki roti.. its weird how life can bring u around some ppl and strike a cord within a few days….
Life continues to surprise me….





That’s the family.. deepu bhai wid wife, bakulaben and kids.. Goti, sejal and bholu
Then deepu bhai called up and told that they all miss us a lot and these ppl really mean it when they say it… they had nothing to give but yet they had soooo much to give! (sounds cliché but really… )

I will never forget dadaji… he kept saying that ‘ab to jaana hai…..’ and I felt sad.. I want to meet him one more time… I want to make him happy.. and I want to see him smile… and I you know wat? It is so easy to do that.. one phone call from me will also do it.. or I just have to send a print out of his photographs to him.. or the rice seeds that I have promised to send to him… that’s the beauty of it… they are happy even if u do so little for them… these ppl live by their heart…

Beautiful People…






Dadaji at work… making rope…







Looking for leopards…






Bholu’s eyes… Very very beautiful… Photo cud not do justice to them….







Goti.. Deepu Bhai's youngest son..





Sunset at Kamboi





Dadaji ka Hukka… Kept on having it the whole day.. I asked him for one swig too but he said he will not give coz it will become ‘jhoota’. He has asked me to get a hukka patra while coming next time.. phir saath me beithke hukka piyu chu…



They made me wear their traditional jewellery…All silver…




That’s Dadi…





That’s bakulaben in the kitchen… cooking make ki roti on chullah…


At last.. I know that was too long.. but had to tell u all owing to my compulsive disorder of writing long mails…
Anyways thr is more to it.. than what I have written.. meeting these ppl once in a while, around the corner, in trains while travelling etc is different and staying wid them is entirely different… I am thankful to IRMA for sending me to such a place.. :)

2006-A Love story

So here it goes... the last sunday before THE sunday... I mean this is what most of the 1.5 lakh CAT aspirants must be thinking right now... and gearing up for it... and slogging... if not that atleast sleeping (it is highly recomended that u take good enough sleep to do well in CAT... so that is actually a part of that gearing up...) and a few wastes like me must be sitting and writing about those ppl.... Today i simply feel too drained.. things are happening around me... one of my first cousins, a very close one actually ran away and got married yesterday! and just because i had a prior knowledge of this i am being considered as an accomplice in the whole thing.. but the fact is that the whole family knew.. and everybody thot that only they knew and everybody was discussing bout him and his GF since quite a few days... It was indeed a hot hot topic in the family! Well let me here tell ya something bout my family.. My family is a huge one.. with a lot of smaller families involved... and when i mean 'they' knew... i mean the small small families knew... Well,now finally it is out in the open!!! now people can openly talk about it! and talk about it and talk about it.. Frankly speaking thr aint so much to talk but i sincerely admire their capacity to discuss the same issue over and over again!! oh wait! who said it is the same issue? no no.. it aint.. each time it is discussed it undergoes a lot of processing... the topic is made hotter than it is.. new angles added, new pieces of information (often fictitious :)) put into it and new predictions made! like in this case, they are all predicting as to how the next person in the line in my family who is to get married, i.e. Me, will get married... and owing to the awesome reputation as a rebel, wierdo that i carry in my family, the predictions are quite obvious... "Pallu tar kay ata..."... Assumptions, predictions and value additions... all this will happen now till the "2006-A love story" ceases to be hot topic of discussion... funny aint it! i am actually quite dreading to meet all of them at the formal ceremony that is going to take place in december.. coz not only will they be doing the "Pallu pan saamil hoti" crap... but also speculating, thinking, wondering as to what will Pallu now do??? whether she will also give them a nice wonderful topic to discuss? or will she get into a normal boring arranged marriage? Well, in that case too there still is a topic and the discussions and assumptions and all are also still thr... but here it simply aint that hot! the spice is missing... it simply aint so interesting u see... Am actually thinking of giving my family some interesting topic to chew on.., What say? ;)

The Hopeless Daughter

Dads are at times really cute... like yesterday...Well, he came home in the eve, a bit too early than his usual time...and though usually he himself quite keeps on running behind me to make me study, and at the slightest sight of me passing time, he actually holds my hand and carries me to my room and makes me study... ("mi tula sodun yeto" he says... and he literally 'drops' me to my room..), this once he somewhere at the back of his mind was hoping (and from his usual experiences expecting) that i would be whiling away my time so that then we wud go out... to drive around college road and run a few errands.but alas... me was studying.And unlike the day before yesterday, yesterday he did not really want to tell me directly to stop studying (may be coz he had done so the day before...he had actually asked me to close my books! Contrary to his normally "Anti-timepass" attitude... and i had).. Today too he wanted to go out...(How did i know that he wanted to go out?? well, dads are actually quite predictable...) he waited. I did not relent. He waited I still kept on studying. Normally i go down to kitchen atleast once every hour to do nothing but open the fridge, irritate ajji and grab a bite of the huge dark chocolate bar that is thr in the fridge... but y'de i did not get up at all!!! i lived without my hourly dose of the chocolate too!! coz i knew if i got up this once he will pakka say "so.. u doing nothing right? lets go out..". Well, now u might think as to why was i not ready to go out and prefered studying than going out.. well, i really dont know.. maybe it was only a badla for all those times when i dont want to study but he makes me do!! (yes, i know it sounds sooo mean) but watever it was.. i did not relent. So then, patience not being one of my dad's best qualities, he finally came into my room. One look at his face... was also not needed for me to guess what was coming.... "How can u study in this mess?" (ok here it goes....) "U did nothing with these gadde?" (there are 6 gadde in my room since i dunno when, but it was only today that out of the blue he had expected me to have done something with those gadde...) "I have brought agarbattis and kept in the room....but u cant even take the efforts to light them? jara prasanna watla tar kahi farak padto ka?" (hmmmmmmmm...) "Even my room at the hostel used to be better than this.. inspite we all being guys.." (he still reminsces all those hostel days as often as he can...some kisse, like the one bout his roomie-who-had-not-washed-his-clothes-since-ages.. and how my dad had managed to soak all his clothes so that he wud finally wash them, then the 'hair-gel kissa' and many such kisse toh now even i can describe in as much detail as he can.. and my mom toh has virtually lived in the hostel herself!!!) "Hey asa padlela... ithe kachra... tithe kachra... kachra kundi madhe abhyas kasa kay kartat...!!!" I did not utter a word.his irritation was understandable. he was irritated even before he entered the room and before he had even looked at the mess in the room or the gadde... so even if the room would have been spike clean, there was no way i cud have avoided this appraisal of my room. So i did not say anything... I had expected it to get over without my getting off my butt.. but NO. he was not gonna let that happen... He went on and on... and finally to stop him I DID! I got up, folded some clothes, picked up some books, tucked the bedcover ... and sat back. He came back again (Yes. there was still some frustration left) "I want this room to look like a study room from tomorrow" (now, for me 'study room' means books strewn everywhere, clothes in a mess and me sitting in one corner with hair all messier than the room and me in my dirtiest pajamas... and that exactly was how the room was like right now... so i started thinking as to HOW DO I MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A 'DAD's STUDY ROOM') i answered.... "OK" "Remind me to do something with the gadde" .... "OK" (I will remind him, but i know nothin can really be done.. and the gadde are thr to stay...) They will come in handy anyways when the next time he wants to vent out his frustration... Saying so he walked out of room... i heaved a sigh of relief an got back to studying... Well then that was it... Did i clean the room?? well, what do u think?? I mean going by the title of this post? well, then what about my dad's ultimatum for a clean room?? well, he really will not remember bout my messy room ultimatum.... until the next time he wants to vent out his frustration... and i am gonna keep the gadde thr only for the same... Thats the Patil family for ya ... NJOY!

The Devil and Miss Prym

by Paulo Coelho I have started to enjoy paulo coelho books though i have not yet read The Alchemist. Each book has the philosoply of life explained in the form of an interesting story... Just finished the Devil and Miss Prym. This one talks about mans struggle between evil and good. It talks about a man who wants to find out whether man is essentially an evil being or is he a good being. The fight between the evil and the good has been nicely depicted. The message the book gives finally is that 'Each person is essentially made up of evil and good and that they are in continuous fight. It is upto us to control the evil and let the good triumph' It also talks about an old lady, Berta. Berta has lost her husband some 15 yrs ago and now by strong will power to be with her husband she has developed such qualities that she can see through a person and know what is going on in his mind.. In the sense whether he is 'accompanied by the devil or good'.. Human beings are all so frightened.Frightened of everything. And every one of them... rich one of loosing their riches, successful ones of falling down one day, ppl with nice families are afraid of losing them, ppl without anyone to fall back on are afraid of dying lonely... Single gals of not finding their guy and gals in relationships of losing 'him'.... all r afraid.Courage is rare. The momentous courage that requires, in that partiuclar moment, which you know is going to change your life forever is rare.It also shows how easily ppl can be manipulated if you can make them feel afraid of something..it is all about fear.. no one follows rules coz they like to.. but out of fear of something.. It basically talks about living a life of courage... of not being afraid of anything.. One very interesting thing the book talks about it that, everyone is afraid of losing their loved ones. and the main char of book, the stranger, is the only one who has seen the fear turn into reality. So basically fear is present in all. so what is the difference between the one who has already lost someone close and one who hasnt but is afraid of it? Both r afraid... still analysing the book... but i must say veronica decides to die influenced me more than this one.

Relationship status : Committed

thhhhhaaddd... banggggggg!!! thhhhishhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... committed!!!!! that cute little kiddo?! the kiddo whom i have been seing since he was like in 2nd std? orkut has become a dangerous place. and he is going steady since 5 years!!! oh boy! that is so shocking? that cute lil kiddo who'd call me pallu tai pallu tai... is committed? why am i so shocked? well, basically got the first taste of the fact that those kids have grown up! and that is more so an indication that i have grown up!! wow. things have changed. its actually interesting and cute to see things change! hai na? see kiddos getting into committed realationships (way before u did).. hmm... and that too with the seemingly Babe of the town., now that is something even more cool... ;) well, just came to know of this... and i am finding it really cute... way to go kiddos...... :)

dream

each day passes by and i am left thinking.. what do i want from my life.still dunno.i somehow know what i dont want my life to be like.. but what i want it to be like?seriously what? i havent read the alchemist yet.Neha said i am missing out on something too good and that imust must must read it.so i had gone to crosswords yde (thr is new and awesome and huge one on senapati bapat road now, if i ever end up staying at UWA hostel i will surely utilise it to the fullest...).. and was in all plans of buying alchemist.read its summary behind the book.. "alchemist is about following your dreams.." it said.. it said it is about scaling any number of mountains to get the one thing you want. hmm sounds good. interesting.. was gonna buy it too but then i thot that for reading books like this i must first know what is tht dream of mine right?without knowing that how can i possibly follow it? how can i possibly scale huge mountains to reach it?how God how? It scares me to be in this state. i so wish someone would give me a direction.. tell me what i want from life.i know sound soooo lame. how can someone else tell what u want from life if u urself cant.. but i really want to wake up one day to find that "hey yeah!this is it... now i am gonna fight with all my might for this one thing... Yess!" but no. havent happened yet.. cud it be that i dont want anthing from life? nahi na? aise to nahi na hoga?or is it that i expect tooo much outa things? (this is wat a jyotishi told my mom.. he said that i have too many expectations outa life and so it wud be difficult to find a guy for me.. so better start soon!) well, watever.. i think i dnt accept things.. i dont accept that the world has changed.. i still try to live in a world wherein things are quite different.. and that is the problem... should i change myself then? i guess i'll try a little more and then think of changing myself.. try a little more to find the "Dream",the one thing that i will be crazily passionate about... but i dont want to end up being too late so i gotta make it fast... Luv pals.

Me and my Job

Time and again, since i have made this decision- to quit Infy- i come across people who in their mind are thinking "kya samajhti hai pata nahi khudko.. Infy ka job chod rahi hai... " for eg. my own bro.. quotes examples of how ppl had to take "dar dar ki thokre" once they quit a "good" job thinking that they could do better.. in short telling me "Sweetheart.. this is indeed the best you could possibly get.. U R AN IDIOT" And no. I dont regret nor do i rethink.. i dont. Cause i know exactly what i dont want.. yes. i know what i dont want. I dont want a monotonous life. Since childhood there hasnt been a phase in my life when i was in ruins.. when i had absolutely nothing in my hands.. when i was scared about my future.. i want to be there.. i want to be in a situation wherein i have nothing in my hands.. coz when u have absolutely nothing.. u are open for anything. and i want exactly that. I seriously love the situation i am in right now. Nothing. I have nothing. yet i have everything. I can do anything right now! any Goddamn thing.. cud be worse than what i am doing... of course it could be... when did i say that it will be better than this? but what is better? Who decides what is better and what is worse? me right? that is it then. I just know that had i not taken this decision now.. i would have never! and i would have most certainly regretted not doing it NOW! it was all about NOW! the timing is perfect! I am quite excited bout all the struggle that lies ahead of me! yeah indeed excited! and curious Luv, Pals

TO THINK OR NOT TO THINK ... is the question

This post is the reaction of my friend to My First Blog... below.... We have alwz shared a very special relationship... a gr8 friendship... i alwz knew i can talk to her bout nething in this world.. and she will understand... yet she is so different from me is what i realised from this conversation! Very different.......

<> FRIEND: wat ws dat? i mean u really think so much? u sound so BIG <>me: yes i do wierd kya?dint like it? <>FRIEND: weird... really..

i dnt noe wat to say...

me: abe itna kya hua?

FRIEND: pata nai..

<> me: me behave karti hoo itni idiot nahi hoo u mean i am an idiot :| <> FRIEND: i eman i never said u r an idiot... just dat.......its too heavy.. <>me: hehehehe hang ho gayi na tu

FRIEND: ya

<> me: but seriously wat do u think... dont thik i wrote it and all jst generally what do u think on the topic?can u comment? <>FRIEND: seriously... ders nothing to comment.. kisis aur ka hota to i wld hv thot..kya bore insaan hai..

me: raji... u make me feel like a fool...

<> FRIEND: sorry swthrt... i didnt mean to..

me: i mean seriously... what is wrong with it? u dont agree or wat with it? or its just that kuch bhi bakwaas thing..... jus a small comment.... y so wierd ?

<> FRIEND: u r a srious girl...wow i guess i never think so much...

me: ok listen, i do think all this stuff... and i am very wierd but still i am not boring yaar.... i have another side too!

<> FRIEND : i noe u r not boring... u wldnt b a gd frnd if u were boring.. <> me: :) its good u dont think so much its nerving at times <>FRIEND: u'll take life tooo seriously.. <> me: hmm no re raji... aisi baat nahi hai its jst things that come up in my mind automatically <> FRIEND: wen Neha used to say we are differnt..i knew we were. but we r realllllly diff <>FRIEND: mai shayad itna nai sochti... seriously i dnt noe wat else to say <> FRIEND: tum har cheez ko kaafi analyze karte ho.. <> me: hmm u know wat raji?i belive u must think <> FRIEND: i dnt blv dat i just let tings go..

me: coz otherwise u just go on living

<> FRIEND: dats wat i want to do.. i want to live./.. <>me: thats wat i am doing ok chod....cant explain wat i wana say <> FRIEND: haan chod... u'll r gr8...seriously..kaafi sochte ho.. <> me: u think its gr8? i mean wat <> FRIEND: ya..i cant think... if i think so much...i will probably loose it rather i hv never given nethng such a serious thot in life

me : i know wat i exaclt want from life etc bcoz of all this thinknig only...

FRIEND: i noe dat too..but i never thot so much

me: hmm

<>FRIEND: sahi hai bachchon... hats off ot u two

me: ek baar karke dekh think... u seriously belive all this GOD thing and all? i mean how can u accept everything ppl say ?

<> FRIEND: wait i dnt listen to ppl..i ahve always done wat i felt like... i ahve compromised only wen for my parents... n i never gave nethng so much thot.. me : hmm..feeling wierd bout myself <> FRIEND: me feeling weird too.. kuch bohat alag alag raha hai... <> FRIEND: i felt a bit like dis wen we were together at nite us din neha ke yahaan.. next day sochi mai ki tumlog kitna sochte ho... i mean seriously kaafi sochte hio...

Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive

me: ha re yedi <> FRIEND: hehhehe.. mujhe ab gurantee hogai hai ki mai yedi hu..

me : oye tuze kya lagme laga hai? ki i take life verrry seriously and stuff? and so all this thinknig? its not that swthrt belive it or not... aise hota to i wud have been more normal...

<>FRIEND: one of us is normal...its either u or me..v r not the same for sure... <> me: thr can b 3 types one is normal one is u and one is me

<> the normal ppl just do all normal things they dont think also

FRIEND: i m happy being normal..

<> me: and they dnt do also anything the other is u u dont think much but u do think subconciously

FRIEND: i have never thot if i thnk subconsciously or not

me: u DO NOT realise it... trust me... and the eccentric things u do.. etc... is coz of that.... and one mre thing... u say na wat got into me when i did so n so? well, its the result of subconcious thinknig ur heart has done for you... u dunno.... really... and so i tell u to alwz listen to ur heart and follow wat ur heart says..........

BAHUT JYADABAKWAAAAAAAAAAAS

satsang

<> FRIEND: wooooooooooooooow u really can think swthrt.. well i dnt noe abt subconscious n stuff...but if i do as u say..i m happy with it <>me: :) so u see...3 types of ppl <> FRIEND: ya mayb... 2 i m sure...3 ka pat anai

me: i beliv in 3...

<> FRIEND: but i do love the other category...(urs) ok..mayb levels differ...probablyi dnt think tooo...........but i m fun

me: and fun coz u do eccentric things...

FRIEND: ok i ahve dona a paricular thing..

me: which soceity (the boring normals) think is wrng

FRIEND: but wat else..

me: raji rajan

FRIEND: c u r again thinking...

<> me: smaal small things the way u talk

FRIEND: oh..

me: kaminepanti

FRIEND: hehehhe

me: chidhana

thr is smething diffenent bout u right? read ur testimonials

<> FRIEND : yaaaaaaaaaa............ ppl love me..:)) <> me: some piece of not normall tnig.... shut up <> FRIEND: hehhehehhehehheheh i need to grow up.. <> me: well, COEP hostel has done smethings to me and u know wat changed me the most raji? the FAILED REGATTA

FRIEND: hmm..

FRIEND: probably i dont think mayb coz nothing in life ever took me so much,...

<> me: made me think a lot... and u know why thinking helps even morE?

NOW THIS IS GONA BE WORSE

if u think so much....then u know ur subconcious thots.. u r aware of them all... and then u can actually actually predict things... Trust me it happens... u simply know.... u simply simply know... its kinda sixth sense raji.. but u simply know

FRIEND: mayb...intutons i do blv in...

<>me: and yeah u r right u gotta be intensely passionate bout smething to gt into this type of ppl.... smething mst happen to u that makes u think neha ko coep hostel hua mujhe boat club hua <> FRIEND: pata nai re.. aisa kya hojata hai?y does smthng affect u so much.. i mean affect ne1 so much..

me: thr is point when u r in turmoil... utter depression... say my homesicknesss. remember how i had cried at ur place... but then once u think grow up u r at peace coz u understnad everytnig that is going on.. U UNDERSTNAD what is going on... and that gives u peace...

what is tumoil? U DONT UNDERSTAND KYA HO RHAA HAI KYU HO RAHA HAI.... thats turmoil..when u think ...u know.................. then no turmoil... dat is wat has made me and neha like this

<> FRIEND: i dnt noe.. i ahve felt sad..n depressed.but isa kya hojata hai? But then evreything always goes..everyting always bcomes rgt..

me: u dont know kya hua hai... and that is y u r depressed...

once u know the root coz kya and kyu.... u can deal with it fight it... or atleast not worry bout it if u know that it is temporary and will go....

raji trust me neither me nor neha ever wanted to become like this.. not that we deicded and thot... it happens.. u dont have an option...

FRIEND: i dnt noe..n probably rgt now i cant undersatnd wat can happen dat can affect so much..

me: IT IS SO WITH ME ALSO... AUTOMATICAALLY IT GOES... ALL BECOMESRGIHT... BUT AT HOSTEL IT DID NOT HAPPEN... I WAITED... IT DID NOT... ULTIMATELY I HAD TO CHANGE...

<> FRIEND: i can nvere take nethng s seriously.......... mayb i dnt feel ne emotion so seriously..i dnt take ne emotion so seriously.. <> me: no one wants to raji voluntarily it happens <> FRIEND: pata nai.. u make it happen...u take things seriously n dis is wat happens

me: u think neha wanted all that frustration at hostel?

<> FRIEND: no i m not saying abt the situations.. situtaions r not in ur hand...but hw u react definitely is..

me: that is wat got us thinking in the first place raji... and now it has become inevitable! now v think on everything

<>FRIEND : probablu i can never...probably..

me: and trust me raji i am much more at peace wid myself this wayz i understand myself better.... ..

FRIEND : i love myself too..

<> me: yeah just njoy the way u r! <> FRIEND: i never got to the conept of undersatnding oneself.. wats der to?..u r wat u r..mayb my thinking powers r gone for a toss...

me: chod raji... seriously

FRIEND: ya..

me: aur bata kaam?

FRIEND: working on a new application...

me: hmm

wierd!

My best friend alwz scolds me for writing wierd the wrng way.previously i used to write it wrng subconciously and she usd to corrct me.. and now coz of the insistent correcting i notice it evrytme i wrte this word... and purposely write it wrng.... yeah i am wierd... :) Well, i really wonder what is soo wierd bout me... well, as one of my very good friends pointed out... (after reading my first blog) i think too much and take life too seriously... 'dont take life too seriously u will never get out of it alive' she quoted.... I agree.. never will anyone get out of it alive.. but thr sure r ways to stay alive even after u r gone! I had read somewhr 'even if one soul has breathed more freely coz u have lived... that is being successful'.. Ok.. then does my search end here? have i found the meaning of life? so i have to help ppl around me to breath freely... i mean obviously help them out! but hey hey!!! aint that totally contrary to what everybody is out to do today? i mean who cares if someone else is breathing freely or not? let him choke if he has to... i am breathing freely... and my loved ones are breathing freely... so that is enuf right? but then aint that being absolutely unsuccessful in life? i mean going by the previous mentioned definition! but duniya aj aisi hi hai... told my mom to me one day...... ok so is thr any point in living in this duniya? i mean really, 'if i have to die unsuccessfully one day... why waste time living?' That day i read the book 'Veronica Decides to Die' by paulo Coelho.. related to it... It that book this female Veronica decides to commit suicide... No.. she is not depressed.. in fact she is having the most perfect life one could possibly have! i mean she has loads of boyfriends... good career.. nice family... PERFECT! but then thr is something she still cannot find and so decided to die... thats is the meaning of life... she is unable to find the meaning of her life... Is life only bout making a good career, having a good handsome and rich husband.. and then having talented kids ? Dont know .. For 95% ppl ..yes this is exactly what is life... and i feel jealous of those ppl... coz they have found the meaning of their life... I havent... not yet...