2006-A Love story

So here it goes... the last sunday before THE sunday... I mean this is what most of the 1.5 lakh CAT aspirants must be thinking right now... and gearing up for it... and slogging... if not that atleast sleeping (it is highly recomended that u take good enough sleep to do well in CAT... so that is actually a part of that gearing up...) and a few wastes like me must be sitting and writing about those ppl.... Today i simply feel too drained.. things are happening around me... one of my first cousins, a very close one actually ran away and got married yesterday! and just because i had a prior knowledge of this i am being considered as an accomplice in the whole thing.. but the fact is that the whole family knew.. and everybody thot that only they knew and everybody was discussing bout him and his GF since quite a few days... It was indeed a hot hot topic in the family! Well let me here tell ya something bout my family.. My family is a huge one.. with a lot of smaller families involved... and when i mean 'they' knew... i mean the small small families knew... Well,now finally it is out in the open!!! now people can openly talk about it! and talk about it and talk about it.. Frankly speaking thr aint so much to talk but i sincerely admire their capacity to discuss the same issue over and over again!! oh wait! who said it is the same issue? no no.. it aint.. each time it is discussed it undergoes a lot of processing... the topic is made hotter than it is.. new angles added, new pieces of information (often fictitious :)) put into it and new predictions made! like in this case, they are all predicting as to how the next person in the line in my family who is to get married, i.e. Me, will get married... and owing to the awesome reputation as a rebel, wierdo that i carry in my family, the predictions are quite obvious... "Pallu tar kay ata..."... Assumptions, predictions and value additions... all this will happen now till the "2006-A love story" ceases to be hot topic of discussion... funny aint it! i am actually quite dreading to meet all of them at the formal ceremony that is going to take place in december.. coz not only will they be doing the "Pallu pan saamil hoti" crap... but also speculating, thinking, wondering as to what will Pallu now do??? whether she will also give them a nice wonderful topic to discuss? or will she get into a normal boring arranged marriage? Well, in that case too there still is a topic and the discussions and assumptions and all are also still thr... but here it simply aint that hot! the spice is missing... it simply aint so interesting u see... Am actually thinking of giving my family some interesting topic to chew on.., What say? ;)

The Hopeless Daughter

Dads are at times really cute... like yesterday...Well, he came home in the eve, a bit too early than his usual time...and though usually he himself quite keeps on running behind me to make me study, and at the slightest sight of me passing time, he actually holds my hand and carries me to my room and makes me study... ("mi tula sodun yeto" he says... and he literally 'drops' me to my room..), this once he somewhere at the back of his mind was hoping (and from his usual experiences expecting) that i would be whiling away my time so that then we wud go out... to drive around college road and run a few errands.but alas... me was studying.And unlike the day before yesterday, yesterday he did not really want to tell me directly to stop studying (may be coz he had done so the day before...he had actually asked me to close my books! Contrary to his normally "Anti-timepass" attitude... and i had).. Today too he wanted to go out...(How did i know that he wanted to go out?? well, dads are actually quite predictable...) he waited. I did not relent. He waited I still kept on studying. Normally i go down to kitchen atleast once every hour to do nothing but open the fridge, irritate ajji and grab a bite of the huge dark chocolate bar that is thr in the fridge... but y'de i did not get up at all!!! i lived without my hourly dose of the chocolate too!! coz i knew if i got up this once he will pakka say "so.. u doing nothing right? lets go out..". Well, now u might think as to why was i not ready to go out and prefered studying than going out.. well, i really dont know.. maybe it was only a badla for all those times when i dont want to study but he makes me do!! (yes, i know it sounds sooo mean) but watever it was.. i did not relent. So then, patience not being one of my dad's best qualities, he finally came into my room. One look at his face... was also not needed for me to guess what was coming.... "How can u study in this mess?" (ok here it goes....) "U did nothing with these gadde?" (there are 6 gadde in my room since i dunno when, but it was only today that out of the blue he had expected me to have done something with those gadde...) "I have brought agarbattis and kept in the room....but u cant even take the efforts to light them? jara prasanna watla tar kahi farak padto ka?" (hmmmmmmmm...) "Even my room at the hostel used to be better than this.. inspite we all being guys.." (he still reminsces all those hostel days as often as he can...some kisse, like the one bout his roomie-who-had-not-washed-his-clothes-since-ages.. and how my dad had managed to soak all his clothes so that he wud finally wash them, then the 'hair-gel kissa' and many such kisse toh now even i can describe in as much detail as he can.. and my mom toh has virtually lived in the hostel herself!!!) "Hey asa padlela... ithe kachra... tithe kachra... kachra kundi madhe abhyas kasa kay kartat...!!!" I did not utter a word.his irritation was understandable. he was irritated even before he entered the room and before he had even looked at the mess in the room or the gadde... so even if the room would have been spike clean, there was no way i cud have avoided this appraisal of my room. So i did not say anything... I had expected it to get over without my getting off my butt.. but NO. he was not gonna let that happen... He went on and on... and finally to stop him I DID! I got up, folded some clothes, picked up some books, tucked the bedcover ... and sat back. He came back again (Yes. there was still some frustration left) "I want this room to look like a study room from tomorrow" (now, for me 'study room' means books strewn everywhere, clothes in a mess and me sitting in one corner with hair all messier than the room and me in my dirtiest pajamas... and that exactly was how the room was like right now... so i started thinking as to HOW DO I MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A 'DAD's STUDY ROOM') i answered.... "OK" "Remind me to do something with the gadde" .... "OK" (I will remind him, but i know nothin can really be done.. and the gadde are thr to stay...) They will come in handy anyways when the next time he wants to vent out his frustration... Saying so he walked out of room... i heaved a sigh of relief an got back to studying... Well then that was it... Did i clean the room?? well, what do u think?? I mean going by the title of this post? well, then what about my dad's ultimatum for a clean room?? well, he really will not remember bout my messy room ultimatum.... until the next time he wants to vent out his frustration... and i am gonna keep the gadde thr only for the same... Thats the Patil family for ya ... NJOY!

The Devil and Miss Prym

by Paulo Coelho I have started to enjoy paulo coelho books though i have not yet read The Alchemist. Each book has the philosoply of life explained in the form of an interesting story... Just finished the Devil and Miss Prym. This one talks about mans struggle between evil and good. It talks about a man who wants to find out whether man is essentially an evil being or is he a good being. The fight between the evil and the good has been nicely depicted. The message the book gives finally is that 'Each person is essentially made up of evil and good and that they are in continuous fight. It is upto us to control the evil and let the good triumph' It also talks about an old lady, Berta. Berta has lost her husband some 15 yrs ago and now by strong will power to be with her husband she has developed such qualities that she can see through a person and know what is going on in his mind.. In the sense whether he is 'accompanied by the devil or good'.. Human beings are all so frightened.Frightened of everything. And every one of them... rich one of loosing their riches, successful ones of falling down one day, ppl with nice families are afraid of losing them, ppl without anyone to fall back on are afraid of dying lonely... Single gals of not finding their guy and gals in relationships of losing 'him'.... all r afraid.Courage is rare. The momentous courage that requires, in that partiuclar moment, which you know is going to change your life forever is rare.It also shows how easily ppl can be manipulated if you can make them feel afraid of something..it is all about fear.. no one follows rules coz they like to.. but out of fear of something.. It basically talks about living a life of courage... of not being afraid of anything.. One very interesting thing the book talks about it that, everyone is afraid of losing their loved ones. and the main char of book, the stranger, is the only one who has seen the fear turn into reality. So basically fear is present in all. so what is the difference between the one who has already lost someone close and one who hasnt but is afraid of it? Both r afraid... still analysing the book... but i must say veronica decides to die influenced me more than this one.

Relationship status : Committed

thhhhhaaddd... banggggggg!!! thhhhishhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... committed!!!!! that cute little kiddo?! the kiddo whom i have been seing since he was like in 2nd std? orkut has become a dangerous place. and he is going steady since 5 years!!! oh boy! that is so shocking? that cute lil kiddo who'd call me pallu tai pallu tai... is committed? why am i so shocked? well, basically got the first taste of the fact that those kids have grown up! and that is more so an indication that i have grown up!! wow. things have changed. its actually interesting and cute to see things change! hai na? see kiddos getting into committed realationships (way before u did).. hmm... and that too with the seemingly Babe of the town., now that is something even more cool... ;) well, just came to know of this... and i am finding it really cute... way to go kiddos...... :)

dream

each day passes by and i am left thinking.. what do i want from my life.still dunno.i somehow know what i dont want my life to be like.. but what i want it to be like?seriously what? i havent read the alchemist yet.Neha said i am missing out on something too good and that imust must must read it.so i had gone to crosswords yde (thr is new and awesome and huge one on senapati bapat road now, if i ever end up staying at UWA hostel i will surely utilise it to the fullest...).. and was in all plans of buying alchemist.read its summary behind the book.. "alchemist is about following your dreams.." it said.. it said it is about scaling any number of mountains to get the one thing you want. hmm sounds good. interesting.. was gonna buy it too but then i thot that for reading books like this i must first know what is tht dream of mine right?without knowing that how can i possibly follow it? how can i possibly scale huge mountains to reach it?how God how? It scares me to be in this state. i so wish someone would give me a direction.. tell me what i want from life.i know sound soooo lame. how can someone else tell what u want from life if u urself cant.. but i really want to wake up one day to find that "hey yeah!this is it... now i am gonna fight with all my might for this one thing... Yess!" but no. havent happened yet.. cud it be that i dont want anthing from life? nahi na? aise to nahi na hoga?or is it that i expect tooo much outa things? (this is wat a jyotishi told my mom.. he said that i have too many expectations outa life and so it wud be difficult to find a guy for me.. so better start soon!) well, watever.. i think i dnt accept things.. i dont accept that the world has changed.. i still try to live in a world wherein things are quite different.. and that is the problem... should i change myself then? i guess i'll try a little more and then think of changing myself.. try a little more to find the "Dream",the one thing that i will be crazily passionate about... but i dont want to end up being too late so i gotta make it fast... Luv pals.

Me and my Job

Time and again, since i have made this decision- to quit Infy- i come across people who in their mind are thinking "kya samajhti hai pata nahi khudko.. Infy ka job chod rahi hai... " for eg. my own bro.. quotes examples of how ppl had to take "dar dar ki thokre" once they quit a "good" job thinking that they could do better.. in short telling me "Sweetheart.. this is indeed the best you could possibly get.. U R AN IDIOT" And no. I dont regret nor do i rethink.. i dont. Cause i know exactly what i dont want.. yes. i know what i dont want. I dont want a monotonous life. Since childhood there hasnt been a phase in my life when i was in ruins.. when i had absolutely nothing in my hands.. when i was scared about my future.. i want to be there.. i want to be in a situation wherein i have nothing in my hands.. coz when u have absolutely nothing.. u are open for anything. and i want exactly that. I seriously love the situation i am in right now. Nothing. I have nothing. yet i have everything. I can do anything right now! any Goddamn thing.. cud be worse than what i am doing... of course it could be... when did i say that it will be better than this? but what is better? Who decides what is better and what is worse? me right? that is it then. I just know that had i not taken this decision now.. i would have never! and i would have most certainly regretted not doing it NOW! it was all about NOW! the timing is perfect! I am quite excited bout all the struggle that lies ahead of me! yeah indeed excited! and curious Luv, Pals

TO THINK OR NOT TO THINK ... is the question

This post is the reaction of my friend to My First Blog... below.... We have alwz shared a very special relationship... a gr8 friendship... i alwz knew i can talk to her bout nething in this world.. and she will understand... yet she is so different from me is what i realised from this conversation! Very different.......

<> FRIEND: wat ws dat? i mean u really think so much? u sound so BIG <>me: yes i do wierd kya?dint like it? <>FRIEND: weird... really..

i dnt noe wat to say...

me: abe itna kya hua?

FRIEND: pata nai..

<> me: me behave karti hoo itni idiot nahi hoo u mean i am an idiot :| <> FRIEND: i eman i never said u r an idiot... just dat.......its too heavy.. <>me: hehehehe hang ho gayi na tu

FRIEND: ya

<> me: but seriously wat do u think... dont thik i wrote it and all jst generally what do u think on the topic?can u comment? <>FRIEND: seriously... ders nothing to comment.. kisis aur ka hota to i wld hv thot..kya bore insaan hai..

me: raji... u make me feel like a fool...

<> FRIEND: sorry swthrt... i didnt mean to..

me: i mean seriously... what is wrong with it? u dont agree or wat with it? or its just that kuch bhi bakwaas thing..... jus a small comment.... y so wierd ?

<> FRIEND: u r a srious girl...wow i guess i never think so much...

me: ok listen, i do think all this stuff... and i am very wierd but still i am not boring yaar.... i have another side too!

<> FRIEND : i noe u r not boring... u wldnt b a gd frnd if u were boring.. <> me: :) its good u dont think so much its nerving at times <>FRIEND: u'll take life tooo seriously.. <> me: hmm no re raji... aisi baat nahi hai its jst things that come up in my mind automatically <> FRIEND: wen Neha used to say we are differnt..i knew we were. but we r realllllly diff <>FRIEND: mai shayad itna nai sochti... seriously i dnt noe wat else to say <> FRIEND: tum har cheez ko kaafi analyze karte ho.. <> me: hmm u know wat raji?i belive u must think <> FRIEND: i dnt blv dat i just let tings go..

me: coz otherwise u just go on living

<> FRIEND: dats wat i want to do.. i want to live./.. <>me: thats wat i am doing ok chod....cant explain wat i wana say <> FRIEND: haan chod... u'll r gr8...seriously..kaafi sochte ho.. <> me: u think its gr8? i mean wat <> FRIEND: ya..i cant think... if i think so much...i will probably loose it rather i hv never given nethng such a serious thot in life

me : i know wat i exaclt want from life etc bcoz of all this thinknig only...

FRIEND: i noe dat too..but i never thot so much

me: hmm

<>FRIEND: sahi hai bachchon... hats off ot u two

me: ek baar karke dekh think... u seriously belive all this GOD thing and all? i mean how can u accept everything ppl say ?

<> FRIEND: wait i dnt listen to ppl..i ahve always done wat i felt like... i ahve compromised only wen for my parents... n i never gave nethng so much thot.. me : hmm..feeling wierd bout myself <> FRIEND: me feeling weird too.. kuch bohat alag alag raha hai... <> FRIEND: i felt a bit like dis wen we were together at nite us din neha ke yahaan.. next day sochi mai ki tumlog kitna sochte ho... i mean seriously kaafi sochte hio...

Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive

me: ha re yedi <> FRIEND: hehhehe.. mujhe ab gurantee hogai hai ki mai yedi hu..

me : oye tuze kya lagme laga hai? ki i take life verrry seriously and stuff? and so all this thinknig? its not that swthrt belive it or not... aise hota to i wud have been more normal...

<>FRIEND: one of us is normal...its either u or me..v r not the same for sure... <> me: thr can b 3 types one is normal one is u and one is me

<> the normal ppl just do all normal things they dont think also

FRIEND: i m happy being normal..

<> me: and they dnt do also anything the other is u u dont think much but u do think subconciously

FRIEND: i have never thot if i thnk subconsciously or not

me: u DO NOT realise it... trust me... and the eccentric things u do.. etc... is coz of that.... and one mre thing... u say na wat got into me when i did so n so? well, its the result of subconcious thinknig ur heart has done for you... u dunno.... really... and so i tell u to alwz listen to ur heart and follow wat ur heart says..........

BAHUT JYADABAKWAAAAAAAAAAAS

satsang

<> FRIEND: wooooooooooooooow u really can think swthrt.. well i dnt noe abt subconscious n stuff...but if i do as u say..i m happy with it <>me: :) so u see...3 types of ppl <> FRIEND: ya mayb... 2 i m sure...3 ka pat anai

me: i beliv in 3...

<> FRIEND: but i do love the other category...(urs) ok..mayb levels differ...probablyi dnt think tooo...........but i m fun

me: and fun coz u do eccentric things...

FRIEND: ok i ahve dona a paricular thing..

me: which soceity (the boring normals) think is wrng

FRIEND: but wat else..

me: raji rajan

FRIEND: c u r again thinking...

<> me: smaal small things the way u talk

FRIEND: oh..

me: kaminepanti

FRIEND: hehehhe

me: chidhana

thr is smething diffenent bout u right? read ur testimonials

<> FRIEND : yaaaaaaaaaa............ ppl love me..:)) <> me: some piece of not normall tnig.... shut up <> FRIEND: hehhehehhehehheheh i need to grow up.. <> me: well, COEP hostel has done smethings to me and u know wat changed me the most raji? the FAILED REGATTA

FRIEND: hmm..

FRIEND: probably i dont think mayb coz nothing in life ever took me so much,...

<> me: made me think a lot... and u know why thinking helps even morE?

NOW THIS IS GONA BE WORSE

if u think so much....then u know ur subconcious thots.. u r aware of them all... and then u can actually actually predict things... Trust me it happens... u simply know.... u simply simply know... its kinda sixth sense raji.. but u simply know

FRIEND: mayb...intutons i do blv in...

<>me: and yeah u r right u gotta be intensely passionate bout smething to gt into this type of ppl.... smething mst happen to u that makes u think neha ko coep hostel hua mujhe boat club hua <> FRIEND: pata nai re.. aisa kya hojata hai?y does smthng affect u so much.. i mean affect ne1 so much..

me: thr is point when u r in turmoil... utter depression... say my homesicknesss. remember how i had cried at ur place... but then once u think grow up u r at peace coz u understnad everytnig that is going on.. U UNDERSTNAD what is going on... and that gives u peace...

what is tumoil? U DONT UNDERSTAND KYA HO RHAA HAI KYU HO RAHA HAI.... thats turmoil..when u think ...u know.................. then no turmoil... dat is wat has made me and neha like this

<> FRIEND: i dnt noe.. i ahve felt sad..n depressed.but isa kya hojata hai? But then evreything always goes..everyting always bcomes rgt..

me: u dont know kya hua hai... and that is y u r depressed...

once u know the root coz kya and kyu.... u can deal with it fight it... or atleast not worry bout it if u know that it is temporary and will go....

raji trust me neither me nor neha ever wanted to become like this.. not that we deicded and thot... it happens.. u dont have an option...

FRIEND: i dnt noe..n probably rgt now i cant undersatnd wat can happen dat can affect so much..

me: IT IS SO WITH ME ALSO... AUTOMATICAALLY IT GOES... ALL BECOMESRGIHT... BUT AT HOSTEL IT DID NOT HAPPEN... I WAITED... IT DID NOT... ULTIMATELY I HAD TO CHANGE...

<> FRIEND: i can nvere take nethng s seriously.......... mayb i dnt feel ne emotion so seriously..i dnt take ne emotion so seriously.. <> me: no one wants to raji voluntarily it happens <> FRIEND: pata nai.. u make it happen...u take things seriously n dis is wat happens

me: u think neha wanted all that frustration at hostel?

<> FRIEND: no i m not saying abt the situations.. situtaions r not in ur hand...but hw u react definitely is..

me: that is wat got us thinking in the first place raji... and now it has become inevitable! now v think on everything

<>FRIEND : probablu i can never...probably..

me: and trust me raji i am much more at peace wid myself this wayz i understand myself better.... ..

FRIEND : i love myself too..

<> me: yeah just njoy the way u r! <> FRIEND: i never got to the conept of undersatnding oneself.. wats der to?..u r wat u r..mayb my thinking powers r gone for a toss...

me: chod raji... seriously

FRIEND: ya..

me: aur bata kaam?

FRIEND: working on a new application...

me: hmm

wierd!

My best friend alwz scolds me for writing wierd the wrng way.previously i used to write it wrng subconciously and she usd to corrct me.. and now coz of the insistent correcting i notice it evrytme i wrte this word... and purposely write it wrng.... yeah i am wierd... :) Well, i really wonder what is soo wierd bout me... well, as one of my very good friends pointed out... (after reading my first blog) i think too much and take life too seriously... 'dont take life too seriously u will never get out of it alive' she quoted.... I agree.. never will anyone get out of it alive.. but thr sure r ways to stay alive even after u r gone! I had read somewhr 'even if one soul has breathed more freely coz u have lived... that is being successful'.. Ok.. then does my search end here? have i found the meaning of life? so i have to help ppl around me to breath freely... i mean obviously help them out! but hey hey!!! aint that totally contrary to what everybody is out to do today? i mean who cares if someone else is breathing freely or not? let him choke if he has to... i am breathing freely... and my loved ones are breathing freely... so that is enuf right? but then aint that being absolutely unsuccessful in life? i mean going by the previous mentioned definition! but duniya aj aisi hi hai... told my mom to me one day...... ok so is thr any point in living in this duniya? i mean really, 'if i have to die unsuccessfully one day... why waste time living?' That day i read the book 'Veronica Decides to Die' by paulo Coelho.. related to it... It that book this female Veronica decides to commit suicide... No.. she is not depressed.. in fact she is having the most perfect life one could possibly have! i mean she has loads of boyfriends... good career.. nice family... PERFECT! but then thr is something she still cannot find and so decided to die... thats is the meaning of life... she is unable to find the meaning of her life... Is life only bout making a good career, having a good handsome and rich husband.. and then having talented kids ? Dont know .. For 95% ppl ..yes this is exactly what is life... and i feel jealous of those ppl... coz they have found the meaning of their life... I havent... not yet...

My First Blog

i dunno what is life.. 
i dunno what is the span of 60 yrs that ppl spend on this planet doing things to make themselves happy and then die and vanish like they had never newz been on this earth.. 

and yeah leaving a trace DOES NOT mean leaving a family tree.. seriously what is life? 

those 60 yrs? and y do we get these yrs? is thr a reason for it? 

i guess i am not the first one to ask these questions... life seems useless, meaningless.. no i am not depressed.. 

I am very happy.. but still.. and the first person who asked these question realised that if every person starts thinking this way world wud b a disaster and so he invented all those theories about God.. 
about reincarnation, abt sins and stuff.. so life gets a meaning.. 

i am not an atheist.. but i dont believe in God as is the God who needs to be pleased by offering him stuff.. 

who needs to be visited on a particular day of every week.. God is a friend.. 

kind of a co-conspirator who scolds me when i am wrong.. but again is at times with me when i am being naughty..

Well, so that pretty much explains why i chose to call my blog as Life and ME! 

becoz i am too intrigued by the concept of life..