I would have been...

I do not know how many people experience this.. you do things coz u feel it has to be done, that it is the only right thing to do, coz your heart tells you so.. and then you sit back, to analyse why exactly did your heart say so! and now that you have listened to it, and acted the way you have, will you ever regret being impulsive? This is exactly what i am doing now. Was just going through the album of a friend in IRMA. And as it always happens with me, I realise that i would have been there. In those photos. standing with my arm around smriti... outside the mess, cutting cake for someone's bde.. I would have had a completely different set of friends. Life would have been so so different. Just 1 decision. and there r loads to come. Scares me to think "now i am going to make decisions bout my life.. and it is going to go the way i make it go!!!" damn damn scary. one decision and here i am @ bajaj. What made me take this decision? i must confess, it was impulsive. My logic said stay, do not go.. my heart said go... it was as if it said "Go... u dont know what is there.. i know better.." I wondered how could that be possible, but i did not argue. coz i have stopped arguing with my God. but i know i still have not come to accept his absolute supremacy in terms of my decisions. even while coming to JB, i fought.. i gave my sound logic of how it would surely help me better if i stay back.. in the long run... but still it said.. "go" and here i am. if i would have not come to JB, i would have looked at the website and wondered, well i would have belonged here.. i would have though of mumbai and would have thought.. hmm... 1 decision and i would have been in mumbai... now, for every decision i take, will i be going through this depressing process? yes it is depressing. will it so happen that one fine day i will be so happy with my life that i will look back upon something i gave to be whereever i am and say "hmm... oh thank God, otherwise i would have been there!!!" will it become so routine to make big tough decisions that i will actually stop getting into this process of looking at where i would have been had-i-taken-that-rather-than-this?? I do not know. Landmark forum told me to be into the decision that i took coz i took the decision. but it gets tough. you really cant help but wonder "what if...?" today i wonder, "what made me give up AI?" i say again it was God who told me... he dint say no.. but he dint come alongwith me. This one decision was the toughest one in my life... uptil now. 25 days of turmoil. sleepless nights.. depressing mornings and listless days... and then one day he told me he aint thinking it is a good idea. and there it was! oh so clear! he dint say take this up.. he said dont go for it. and i did not. uptil now, i have never regretted any decision my God took for me. and i sincerely pray, i never ever regret this one too... lot at stake, left a lot... a dream washed away.. a dream given up on... in the hope to create something more beautiful, in search of new dreams, new wishes to ride upon. the path is dark, unknown and hard, the road more travelled though it is, my dream is distant and blurred.. dunno where i am heading towards, dunno where i go from here.. but my God has told me to do this, and that is what i have done, laid my faith totally onto him.. the day he disappoints me, there wont be any me..