forgot something..

why do i feel like i am not me? what i am going thru right now and the way i am reacting to things and they way i am handling things this aint me. I already feel alienated. from my God. its like when you forget something important at home and come a long way with a feeling that something is amiss and you only realise a little later that you have forgotten something. Well, i have forgotten my God. I was a little too wrapped up, my life a chaos, my head a big muddle and honestly i had gotten some airs bout myself. I had decided something for myself, without even asking what my God thought about it. I think my God is becoming a little cautious about my continuous experiments with life. He finally is tightening his reins on me. He is now pulling me to correct directions. Does that mean i am getting closer and he doesnt want me to lose it NOW... He realised i am being stupid and still thinking like a irrational kid in engineering when i decided to fly high in the sky, when i set for myself some targets that were not 'me'.. targets that i was never meant to be.. targets that were in contrast to what my God is and what i am. Yet i set those targets, much to his defiance, he protested.. i ignored. i told him that u know nothing, and u are pulling me down. It hurt him but he let it go and stood by me.. coz he knew a day would come when i would write this blog.. I realise that the aim that i came here with, the aim that brought me here from IRMA is not what i am pursuing right now. It always takes a nice spanking on the butt to come fact to face with some hard facts and i got quite a few of them lately. I got carried away with the flow. I decided to change myself and i decided for my God too, without asking him whether he wanted to change. I came a long way and thot my God is walking with me, but here i stand with a feeling that i have forgotten something home.. Its my God i miss the most out here.. I need to go back home to him..